Worcester Cabbie Wisdom

In college, I always looked forward to visiting friends at Holy Cross, and especially to riding in cabs from Worcester Union Station. I've never had a Worcester cabbie who wasn't a character. Yesterday, I returned to Holy Cross for a wedding. A ride with a middle-aged, ex-military, southern transplant, African-American cabdriver in a straw hat yielded the pearls below. You must imagine each quote being slowly said in a deliberate drawl, half Virginian and half Worcesterite.

On marriage:
"Once you marry 'em, they change. Man can't live on bread alone--you need that meat! You think Bill Clinton woulda been gettin' all those humjobs if Hillary was takin' care of him?"

On cops directing traffic at a construction site:
"No wonder we ain't movin'--thah's two flat-foots slowin' everything down!"

On recent immigration waves:
"We got all kinds of immigrants here now--lots of Brazilians, Asians, Africans, lots from Africa. They must a heard that we got a good welfare program."

On crackhead guards at the famous Port of Worcester (where he had worked in security):
"Ass-holes broke into 35 containers. Some had computers, some had jewelry, some had sneakas, all kinds of shit. But they didn't know that they ship the left foot and the right foot in separate containers. Someone probably got his ass killed over that. All hopped up on the junk. I can tell; I've seen it. I've seen it in their eyes. Her boyfriend, too. As soon as she got her first paycheck, she start callin' in sick, wantin' days off. I fired her ass two days later."