Further PC Hatred: Peripherals

I've had the same HP inkjet printer for four years, which means that every time my job assigns me another PC laptop, I have to download and install these things called "drivers" that Macs don't need. HP likes to bundle spyware with its drivers.

The HP program repeatedly crashed the last two laptops I had. It doesn't crash my new Dell. However, half the time, the printer will not work with the new laptop.

The Dell likes to say, "USB Device Not Recognized. One of the USB Devices attached to this computer has malfunctioned, and Windows does not recognize it."

Clicking the Help tab in Windows yields: "Try reconnecting the device. If Windows still does not recognize it, replace the device."

I've needed about half a dozen new printers in the last month. At least Windows isn't telling me to "contact the person who manages your network" today.

PC HATRED!!!

I'm not sure why, but the last two PC laptops I've been assigned have each had two wireless internet utilities: a Windows program and a manufacturer-provided one (in the first case, some "ThinkVantage" shit from Lenovo; in this most recent case, the "Dell Wireless WLAN Card Utility").

The paired programs always fight with each other. On the Lenovo, one would crash the other. On this new Dell, the Dell program does not allow the user the ability to view which wireless networks are available. It just connects to whatever it wants, and its capriciousness cannot be predicted or understood. So when I'm in my favorite coffeeshop, which has a free and unsecured network, the Dell program continually tries to connect to someone's apartment next door or across the street.

The Windows program, which actually allows you to choose what network you use, doesn't work if the Dell program is working.

Remind me why I refuse to use my Mac for work.

PC Hatred

Last month, I received a snazzy new Dell laptop from my employer (everything I do at home happens on my iBook). For the most part, the new machine has been impressive, though Windows has already "automatically updated" and erased all my unsaved work once.

Last week, however, I was sorely disappointed when a laughable hardware-software incompatibility issue arose. On an overnight flight from the west coast, I decided to watch David Lynch's Inland Empire. In went the DVD. Out came the Windows Chime of Failure. Accompanying it was a popup window that said: "no dvd decompressor installed."

Only a PC would have a DVD drive but no DVD player. I searched through all the nested Program listings in the Start Menu, but there was nothing other than Windows Media Player, which didn't work. Since there's no internet at 30,000 feet, I couldn't bother googling for a free player.

Can anyone recommend one?

PC Hatred: Outlook Web Access

Since my Thinkpad is being replaced after less than 2 years in service, I have been using Outlook webmail for the last week. Until last night, anyway, when I was informed for the the first time that my mailbox was 65,000 kb over its size limit and blocked from sending email.

Now, there are no large files in my account. What's taking up all that space is 371 pages of Sent Mail. Each page contains 25 old messages.

The caveat is that there is no "select all" button in Outlook Web Access. So to clean out my account, I'll have to hook up my USB mouse, then individually click to select

371*25=9,275 messages
then click the delete button once per page=371 times

For a grand total of 9,646 mouse clicks.

Now I know how I'll be spending my beautiful summer morning indoors. They call this shit "productivity software?"

PC HATRED!!!

Today it took exactly FORTY minutes to get my IBM T42 laptop up and running. From the start at 9:05, it was extrememly sluggish. I composed two brief emails by 9:28, when it automatically shut off. A Blue Screen of Death momentarily appeared. White text filled the screen, starting with "Windows has detected a problem with your computer..."

When the machine finished rebooting at 9:44, a popup icon appeared above the system tray. "Windows has finished installing an important update to protect your security. An automatic restart was required to complete this update."

Microsoft, PEOPLE DON'T FUCKING LIKE THIS! STOP!

But at least my security is protected by the Microsoft servers that run my personal computer. It's not like I have anything else to do today.