Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Strippers on Adderall

"Excuse me, are you from this area?" she shouted somewhere between Harvard and Porter. "Is this Somerville?"

One of the benefits of 'working from home' in a small apartment is that you have to go out every night to preserve your sanity. And most nights end with a story.

Last night, on my way back from JP, I was accosted by a messed-up, heavily made-up girl of 25 who claimed she was on her way to an interview to be a bartender. "Do I look like a stripper?" she kept asking. One of her beauty school classmates had told her she looked like a stripper after class.

"No, but you could be," I said. She found me charming. She wasn't just a cosmetology student. She was actually a model and actress, who had worked in Las Vegas. She followed me out of train and through the station.

"Are there any bars I could apply to tonight?" she asked. It was clear that she had never been to Davis, Porter, or Harvard before. She had never heard of Central.

"It's easier to make money in a dive," she told me. "Less competition and you don't have to suck or snort."

When she got to Davis, she couldn't find the guy she was supposed to meet. "This guy is a stalker...I'm afraid he can see me but I can't see him." I tried to get away.

"Do you know what Adderall is?" she asked. "I just snorted one on the train...I would totally share with you but I'm all out." She unzipped her coat to reveal tremendous breasts filling out a tiny, black tank top. "Now I look like a stripper," she said. I nodded.

The guy called and told her to meet him by the big Christmas tree in the square.

"Come with me. I'll tell him I know you. You're my classmate, okay?"

I told her I had to go meet someone at Johnny D's.

"Okay, I'll come see you in there later. Let's have a drink, Rob. Where do I know you from?"

I got the hell out of there.

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4 Comments:

Blogger Not Whitey Bulger said...

You missed an adventure to remember. I know that girl - or at least her archetype. Damn'd if I don't love 'em, sort of.

12:10 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

wow someone is a virgin

2:50 AM  
Blogger djm said...

WHY DO THEY THINK THEY KNOW US?!?

8:03 AM  
Anonymous Spatch said...

Now now, Anonymous. Temper your libido with some self-preservation here. You take a girl like that home and sure, you're going to have a wild night in the sack. But you'll wake up alone the next morning with your dresser change missing, your sofa cushions slashed open, your bottles of cough syrup emptied, and your DVD collection meticulously alphabetized.

I mean, it'd be worth it to get your DVDs organized like that, but damn those sofa cushions are costly.

9:03 AM  

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