Warren the Bartender

is probably the biggest cocksucker I've ever met. The doorman says he's an "asshole." The waitress says he's an "asshole." Funny, that. It pays to have acquaintances who can sum up the situation and get things done. Gut protruding and eyes beady. He ignores an outstretched $10 bill because he claims he hasn't seen me before. He's been behind the counter for "thirteen years" but doesn't seem to have enjoyed a second of his tenure. He says don't say you're a regular unless you're a regular, but he won't even pour you a pint. It's bad enough that all the hipster chicks brought their boyfriends, again, and that the male overage is angry and jutting shoulders into shoulders. The band rocks on, but Warren still sucks. He's a real downer.