IDIOTIC LANGUAGE OF DETACHMENT

Overheard in chain coffee shop tonight:

"I feel like I feel like that because..."

The American language has finally devolved into one of non-confidence. Now it's not enough just to use the word "like" intermittently. It's become a faux pas to utter a declarative sentence. You just aren't anything anymore; rather you feel like things. You're also never sure about what you feel, so you have to add a question mark at the end of everything.

Unacceptable: Janet doesn't like the color red.
Acceptable: I feel like Janet like doesn't like red?

Unacceptable: Mike likes Janet.
Acceptable: I feel like Mike likes Janet?

It's all about feelings. Why think or opine when your feelings can do it all for you? The trick is communicating with your mind what your heart feels. But as long as you use the "I feel like...?" construction, you should have no trouble speaking like a true citizen of twenty-first century America. And if you can't even express (or have) a thought, why [consciously] worry about what's going on in the world beyond your body?

After I heard the semi-quote above, I had to leave where I was. I knew that if I sat there and tried to read or write, I would just keep getting distracted by other bits of the non-conversation. On the walk home, my brain kept parsing those silly clauses and syntactically reorganizing them...

I feel like
I feel like
that because

I feel like I
feel like that
because

I
feel like
I
feel like
. . that
. . because

I see all those I's and I just hear my father making fun of his selfish brat kids: "ME! ME! ME!"
...

As a culture, we must be smart enough to create and widely adopt these linguistic constructions of detachment. Ironic hats and sarcastic t-shirts just weren't enough anymore. We needed pervasive linguistic construction(s) to convey our collective sense of a) looking the other way b) guilt c) laziness D) throwing in many towels. And we created it. And we accepted it. And we speak it.

That's quite a broad accomplishment. It makes me think that one day we might actually be able to get something else done.