Checklist of things to do before leaving New England, 3.24.06

1. Bike Fitchburg, the filthiest shithole I've ever seen, and take lots of pictures.
   
2. Consume baked beans in a wooden shack in rural Maine, because there are no beans in beantown.
   
3. Get in more springtime street altercations with downtown Lowell's teenage thugs.
   
4. Watch big ships pass through the drawbridges in Portsmouth.
   
5. Finally go to Kelly's Roast Beef and gain more weight to lose.
   
6. Go to a show at The Stone Church.
   
7. Witness linedancing in rural Maine.
   
8. Ask a Massachusetts cop on "detail" outside a manhole exactly what he is doing, and who he is protecting.
   
9. Take more pictures of wooden houses burning down around Boston, because the 6,321+ local construction unions still do not recognize the invention of the brick.