Is Boston, is not Boston.

To a resident of any logically laid-out American city—or even to a resident of any city that dares share New York’s level of geographical illogicalness—Boston just makes no sense. There’s a meaty midsection, with its own downtown, and several annexed ‘islands’ (some of which are surrounded almost entirely by ‘suburbs,’ one of which contains an airport). But the city itself flows effervescently out of Boston’s rather limiting boundaries, across the Charles River and up Mass Ave, into the microscopic cities of Cambridge and Somerville. Homes to MIT, Harvard, and Tufts, second homes to a large percentage of Boston’s immigrant community, and two neighboring loci of the local arts community, these municipalities almost rival New York in cultural richness. And without the filth, constant fishgut/urine smell, and summertime smog.

I’m proud to call Somerville home, again. The trouble is that no one outside of Boston, the unique, conglomerate city of little cities (including Boston proper, Quincy, Brookline, Chelsea, Everett, Revere, and, of course, Somerville and Cambridge), knows where that is. Occasional purists argue that only the city of Boston is Boston; all else is other. That undeservedly relegates such places as my beloved Somerville to roles as suburbs, effectively casting them as Westchester when they’re actually playing the part of Brooklyn to Downtown Boston’s Manhattan. Indeed, Boston has suburbs like Needham and Natick and Norwood, and they’re all way far out. You have to take big purple and silver commuter trains to get to them, which brings me to my—and the most widely accepted—definition of Boston. If it’s on the T, it’s city. If not, suburb.

By this logic—and for the New Yorkers who are reading—Revere is Coney Island, and Chelsea is Hunts Point (both have produce markets). Somerville can be a post-hipster Williamsburg, with functional neighborhood businesses and actual parkland. Cambridge can be Park Slope with some really good universities. Everything else can be Queens, except for Brookline, which is the Boston Riverdale.

Granted, thse cities are a bit smaller: Boston has abut 600,000 residents, Cambridge has 100,000, and Somerville about 80,000. Though it undoubtedly costs more to run every five square miles as its own municipality, with separate courts, paid fire departments, and police departments, the local benefits are obvious. Public parks and squares are well-maintained, the streets are clean-swept, and graffiti is a rarity. Urban microgovernment must be really inviting to local entrepreneurs, because the variety and quality of small businesses is truly amazing. From killer ribs to candlepin bowling to used books, you can find anything around here. More on that later. I’m going to bed.

Yes, there is life outside New York, and this is it.

Points to anyone who got the Soul Coughing reference.